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Mar. 21st, 2017 07:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hebeimmortalizedSometimes, Jillie really hates this place. It feels cramped, and crowded, and claustrophobic. She's started going for runs, sometimes with Jack, sometimes alone. Either way, she feels like she's running from something. When she's alone, it's worse. It feels like something is pressing in around her, and she runs harder, but it doesn't stop.
Those are the times she panics. She can't fight off the wave and she stumbles to a stop. Jack's not here to breathe her through it. She's alone, and the war in her brain is loud and unrelenting. Everything is too close, too fast. Her breath is harsh in her throat, making her tongue feel heavy and thick in her mouth.
Her legs and fingers feel numb. She knows, rationally, somewhere buried in her mind, what's happening. She knows it's a panic attack and that she needs to start her breathing exercises. But that's all knowledge buried deep beneath the frenetic surface.
She drops to her knees and then her ass. Her fingers clutch hard at her thighs, trying to find any sensation that could be grounding. She'll have bruises later, but that's still deeper knowledge.
She doesn't know how long it takes. When it does finally pass, her throat hurts, and she realizes distantly that she's been screaming. There are a few people standing around, watching her to make sure she's okay. She's too exhausted to care whether they're judging her or not, so instead she just sort of waves them off.
The leg she's been sitting on is half asleep, and takes a moment for the pins and needles to back off once she's got proper blood flow back into it. Once she's standing, she pulls out her phone and texts Jack to let him know what happened.
Panic! At the Park. Ok just tired coming home now hate everything.
She stares at that text after it's sent, then sends, Not you tho.
Her leg is still pins and needles, but she just wants to go home. She limps the first few steps until the feeling goes away.
She really needs to stop going for runs by herself.
Those are the times she panics. She can't fight off the wave and she stumbles to a stop. Jack's not here to breathe her through it. She's alone, and the war in her brain is loud and unrelenting. Everything is too close, too fast. Her breath is harsh in her throat, making her tongue feel heavy and thick in her mouth.
Her legs and fingers feel numb. She knows, rationally, somewhere buried in her mind, what's happening. She knows it's a panic attack and that she needs to start her breathing exercises. But that's all knowledge buried deep beneath the frenetic surface.
She drops to her knees and then her ass. Her fingers clutch hard at her thighs, trying to find any sensation that could be grounding. She'll have bruises later, but that's still deeper knowledge.
She doesn't know how long it takes. When it does finally pass, her throat hurts, and she realizes distantly that she's been screaming. There are a few people standing around, watching her to make sure she's okay. She's too exhausted to care whether they're judging her or not, so instead she just sort of waves them off.
The leg she's been sitting on is half asleep, and takes a moment for the pins and needles to back off once she's got proper blood flow back into it. Once she's standing, she pulls out her phone and texts Jack to let him know what happened.
Panic! At the Park. Ok just tired coming home now hate everything.
She stares at that text after it's sent, then sends, Not you tho.
Her leg is still pins and needles, but she just wants to go home. She limps the first few steps until the feeling goes away.
She really needs to stop going for runs by herself.
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Date: 2017-03-21 10:56 pm (UTC)"It....sounds it. But still, it must be a comfort to have him." Paul thinks, with an ache, of Kevin and Kim, Jenny...even Dave Martinyuk.
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Date: 2017-03-21 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-22 11:50 am (UTC)"With all of the cats?" asks Paul, one eyebrow raised quizzically before he nods, the smallest smile on his lips. "Come on. I'm feeling adventurous."
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Date: 2017-03-23 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-23 09:51 pm (UTC)Paul falls into step with her, ducking into the cafe. It's warm - for the cats' comfort, he supposes - so he immediately shrugs out of his coat.
"What would you like?" he asks. "I'm buying."
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Date: 2017-03-23 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-24 10:12 am (UTC)He notices that touch, notice how she calls it off before she does it. He shakes his head.
"No," he says. "No obligation. But I'd like to, all the same."
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Date: 2017-03-24 11:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-24 05:25 pm (UTC)He orders Jillie a chai, a filter coffee for himself. He glances around. "Are you hungry? I think I'm going to get cake."
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Date: 2017-03-27 02:33 pm (UTC)There's a nice little nook with some cats sprawled out on the cushions, but Jillie walks over and gently nudges one aside so they can sit once they've gotten their orders.
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Date: 2017-03-27 04:50 pm (UTC)Paul orders coffee cake for Jillie and, after a moment's thought, the same for himself. Once everything's ready and assembled on a tray, he carries it over to her and sets it down.
"Voila."
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Date: 2017-03-27 04:58 pm (UTC)"If you were a dog, you'd would just back off and lay down," she points out to it.
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Date: 2017-03-27 05:14 pm (UTC)"Dogs do make more sense," he says and thinks, with a pang, of the dog in the wood, the one that had protected him from Galadan, faithful and proud and old beyond reckoning. He takes a sip of his coffee.