(no subject)

[hebeimmortalized]

Dec 8, 2016

Jack is at work, which is good, because he needs to work, but it's weird, because he's not here. Jillie has seen a huge change in him since coming here, and she doesn't know if it's only because of one thing or another, but it's visible, palpable, and she likes it.

She's been hiding in his room since he left, feeling a bit like an intruder. This isn't what Dr. Kapoor had in mind. She's lucid today, almost painfully so, and the forefront of her worry comprises doctors, therapists, and medication. These are things she needs, things that she requires to remain functional, and that she doesn't have them is triggering some anxious behavior.

She's pacing, feet scuffing softly against the floor. She's pulling and tugging on her hair. Her mind is starting to fill with noise, a steady swell, like someone is turning the volume up.

She fumbles into her pajama pants, pulling out her cigarettes. She only has two left. She lights up, hands shaking, and pulls a deep, long drag.

Jack is probably going to kill her for smoking in his room, but she doesn't dare go out into the apartment yet. There's someone out there, but what if they're not as understanding as Jack, as Poison?

Comments

[madesomenoise]

"Yeah, I can imagine," says Girl. "We could do some shopping on line for you. Buy you some things you like the look of. I don't think you could wear anything of mine or Poison's because..." Her eyebrows raise. "Awesome tits."

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie looks down at herself. "You think so?" she says. "I think they used to be smaller, but then I put on weight."

[madesomenoise]

"And that's supposed to make you less hot or what?" asks Girl, eyebrow raised. He might have died when she was six, the first time around, but she'd definitely picked up some of Ghoul's finer qualities. "Man, I wish I was tall like you." She sips her tea.

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie laughs a little and drinks her water. Her cigarette is nearly to the filter and she sighs as she stubs it out against the outside of the sill.

"Being tall is over— Oh-ver-rate-ed. Growing pains, hitting your head on things, tripping a lot. Being compact, you get to avoid all of that."

[madesomenoise]

"Your brother is unreasonably fucking tall," says Girl, laughing a little, kicking her heels against the cabinet. "But you're like...statuesque." She rolls her eyes. "You want to take a look at my laptop? See if we can find some clothes you like?"

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie nods. "Dr. Kapoor was letting me use a laptop while I was in my room, since I was getting ready to leave the hospital." She slides off the counter by the sink and pours some water from her glass over her cigarette butt. No need burning the house down, right?

She feels a little proud of herself for thinking of that, then follows Dee over to her laptop.

[madesomenoise]

Dee folds herself into one corner of the sofa, her laptop on her knees, leaving room for Jillie to sit down as far or as close as she's comfortable with. She types in the address for her favourite store in Darrow.

"So what kind of clothes do you like when you're not in PJs?"

[hebeimmortalized]

"I don't know," she admits with a little shrug. "I think I used to be really fashionable? But that was probably years ago, now, and I guess I just like to be comfortable. Nothing with sharp edges." Figuratively and literally, she thinks.

[madesomenoise]

"Okay," says Girl, starting to flip through pages. "Something cosy. Layers. What about colours? I like bright colours, Jack tends to wear a lot of earth-tones, but I think you would look super awesome in...red? Purple?"

[hebeimmortalized]

"Not too many layers," she says. "My meds make me run warm, I don't want to get claus—" Her eyes close briefly. "Claus-tro-pho-bic." She rubs her hands together and reaches up to play with her hair. "Maybe a jacket I can take off and wear around the house and stuff." She pauses, then says, "Maybe something with a bow. It doesn't have to be a jacket."

[madesomenoise]

"Right. I used to live in a desert so it was either, like, scorching hot or freezing, but the radiation meant you need to cover up most of the time." She finds a pretty shirt with a bow at the front; it's a bit too girly for her, but she thinks Jillie would look great in it. "Like this?"

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie smiles, and wistfully says, "Everything is cuter with a bow on it." She nods; its sleeves look loose enough for layering, if she wants, but it looks like it could handle being its own shirt, too.

[madesomenoise]

"We should get you something for your hair, too," says Dee, adding a few things to her cart. "Something really pretty that'll keep it back out of your face."

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie imagines an elastic headband, the stretchy kind that goes over the head and gets pushed back over the forehead. Then she imagines a wire or plastic form headband with a bow or flower on it. Then she imagines small clips. None of those mental images end well.

"Not . . . right now," she says uncertainly.

[madesomenoise]

"No to that," says Girl, flashing a smile at her. "Jeans? Skirts? Dresses?"

[hebeimmortalized]

"Yes," Jillie says, even though it isn't really a yes or no question. "I think high waisted jeans, what do you think?" She straightens a little out of her curled position and pulls her pajama pants up to her navel, accenting the curves she has.

[madesomenoise]

"Oh, man, yeah. You'd look crazy good," says Girl, flipping through a few pages and adding black and blue jeans to their cart. "A coat? You can totally just steal Jack's t-shirts and look all hipster and shit. I know there's tits, but he's got pretty broad shoulders - I think it'll work."

On 23 December 2016 at 22:04, hebeimmortalized - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie doesn't really know what the concept of 'hipster' is, but she shrugs all the same. "I guess it doesn't matter," she says. She points at a cute pea coat that Dee scrolls by. It's got a soft twill look to it that makes Jillie feel weirdly relaxed.

[madesomenoise]

"Oh, man, yes.". Girl clicks and adds another few things to the basket. "Ready to checkout."

[hebeimmortalized]

"What about underwear?" Jillie asks suddenly. "I don't know what size bra I wear anymore." She's worn sports bras since getting into the hospital, so she doesn't hurt herself with the straps. "There are places that size you, right?" Where she'll have to be touched. She doesn't like touching.

[madesomenoise]

"Yeah, there are, but we can probably take a guess if you want?" asks Dee, eyebrow raised. She looks at Jillie's chest critically. "They're not that much bigger than mine, right?"

[hebeimmortalized]

"Do you have one I can try?" she asks. If the cups are too small, she'll be able to figure it out from there, right? "Or . . . do you know how to measure? I don't, but. Maybe you could do it for me."

[madesomenoise]

"I bet we could look it up," says Girl, opening a new browser window. "I've got a tape-measure. I've been trying to learn to sew."

[hebeimmortalized]

Jillie nods, but she hugs herself, like she's storing up all of the times she hasn't been touched in preparation for this one time she will be. Sometimes, it feels like she needs to do that.

[madesomenoise]

Over the years, the years of keeping herself safe, Dee's gotten pretty good at reading body language. She stops, looking at Jillie for a moment.

"What is it?"