"My girlfriend died," he says, feeling like he owes her this - his own pain to shadow hers - "And I was driving. I was angry with her. It was raining. I saw a gap and steered for it, but I was never going to hit it. For...the longest time, I wished that I was dead. Not actively enough to..." He swallows. "But I wanted it. More than anything. I wouldn't have fought it."

Even if he had, in the end.