Jillie would be lying if she said she wasn't surprised he did it. He doesn't know, she reminds herself, that's the point of all this.
"I don't even remember stabbing my mom," she says. She turns the knife over in her hands. Her mind swells up around her as she stares at the metal. She presses the tip into the pad of her finger, just enough to hold, not enough to prick. "Sometimes, I swear I wasn't the one that did it. Like someone else was in the room, y'know? But I must've, because I was the one they inst— ins-ti-tu-tion-alized."
She holds the knife up to the scar on her throat, a peaceful sort of look on her face. The blade rests against the shiny skin, and she takes a breath.
Her eyes close and she frowns, suddenly, drops the knife like it's scalding, almost trips on her way off the stool when she backs away from the counter. The sound of the knife clattering as it lands has the judgemental cat scrabbling out of the room.
"Fuck," she whispers. Her cigarettes are on the counter beside her, but her fingers shake when she grabs for it, sending the pencils skittering. "Don't ever fucking do that again," she says. "Don't ever— don't—" She shakes her head, sharp, fast.
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"I don't even remember stabbing my mom," she says. She turns the knife over in her hands. Her mind swells up around her as she stares at the metal. She presses the tip into the pad of her finger, just enough to hold, not enough to prick. "Sometimes, I swear I wasn't the one that did it. Like someone else was in the room, y'know? But I must've, because I was the one they inst— ins-ti-tu-tion-alized."
She holds the knife up to the scar on her throat, a peaceful sort of look on her face. The blade rests against the shiny skin, and she takes a breath.
Her eyes close and she frowns, suddenly, drops the knife like it's scalding, almost trips on her way off the stool when she backs away from the counter. The sound of the knife clattering as it lands has the judgemental cat scrabbling out of the room.
"Fuck," she whispers. Her cigarettes are on the counter beside her, but her fingers shake when she grabs for it, sending the pencils skittering. "Don't ever fucking do that again," she says. "Don't ever— don't—" She shakes her head, sharp, fast.